Tangled Web (~tangledweb)
Monday night
<Tangledweb logs on>
babe4u69: hey tangledweb!
surferdude: HI TW.
CiNdY15: Tangled! =^_^=
Tangledweb: Um. Hey guys. What the fuck does =^_^= mean?
CiNdY15: It's teh kitty!
Tangledweb: Er. Okay.
surferdude U KNO A KITTIE! XDDD
Tangledweb Uh. No I don't. Why is there a kitty on the end of your sentence?
CiNdY15: It's just something u do!
SLiMJiM AWGTHTGTTSA
Tangledweb AWGTHTGTTSA?
babe4u69 it stands for are we gonna to have to go through this shit again, must we explain everything to u duh!
Tangeldweb You can't be serious. Nobody talks like this. And nobody's explained the whole =^_^= thing. Sounds stupid as shit. Nobody says, "Hey there. How was your weekend? Oh, you went to Six Flags? Kitty."
surferdude HAHAHAHAHAHAahahaha!!!!111111111111
<Tangledweb kicked out by moderator ^_^ >
<Tangledweb logs on>
Tangledweb: What the fuck was that for?
CiNdY15: u w3re rude 2 m3! Th4t's not l337!
Tangledweb: Okay, Cindy what the hell language are you speaking? Dumb 15 year olds. Infatuated with your infantile anime sketches and kitties. What kind of IQs do you people have? You know - back in MY day…
CiNdY15: I'm 23! :( Leave me and my =^_^= alone!
SliMJiM: TW, kthxbye!
<Tangledweb kicked out by moderator OMFGROFLMAOPIMP >
Tuesday night
(different chatline)
<Tangledweb logs on>
Ryu-Ken-Thai: hi Tangledweb! ^.^
Tangledweb: No, not the kitties again.
d4m4n: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahah111111111
CiNdY15: every1 does it!
Tangledweb Not you again too. *groans*
Ryu-Ken-Thai: tjhat's not a kitty, that's a smiley!
CiNdY15: ^_^
Tangledweb: Oh yeah? Well here's an obese ^_________________^
CiNdY15: :/
d4m4n: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahah111111111
Ryu-Ken-Thai: dont make fun of Cindy, she's o:-)
Tangledweb: What?
d4m4n: DAT’S AN ANGLE MORON!
d4m4n: I MENA AN ANGEL MORON!
Tangledweb: Oh yeah? Well then I'm 0-).
CiNdY15: You’re 0-)? What’s that, Tangledweb?
Ryu-Ken-Thai:2 b r knot 2 b, th4t is teh queshun.
Tangledweb: I'M CYCLOPS BITCH!
<Tangledweb kicked out by moderator IMHO What an asshole!>
Wednesday
FROM: sterling@SBarchitects.com
TO: john_walker@sertinc.com
SUBJECT: Types of windows for your house
I think the choice window for your house is WeatherShield, IMHO. Even though this manufacturer brand tends to be a bit more expensive, it has several upsides. They're quite energy efficient, have a better manufacturer warranty than the other window brands, and will look great for your house design. I'm finishing up the final touches to your construction plans as we speak. =^_^=.
FROM: john_walker@sertinc.com
TO: sterling@SBarchitects.com
RE: Types of windows for your house
What is IMHO and =^_^=?
FROM: sterling@SBarchitects.com
TO: john_walker@sertinc.com
RE: Types of windows for your house
In my Humble Opinion and a Kitty!
FROM: john_walker@sertinc.com
TO: sterling@SBarchitects.com
RE: Types of windows for your house
A kitty? =^_^= means a kitty? What kind of crack have you been smoking, Sterling? I knew you designers were a little loopy, but this is ridiculous.
FROM: sterling@SBarchitects.com
TO: john_walker@sertinc.com
RE: Types of windows for your house
It’s a kitty! You are SO not l33t. Here, have a @>--;--, you sound like you :-o ^^^^: .
FROM: john_walker@sertinc.com
TO: sterling@SBarchitects.com
RE: Types of windows for your house
What the fuck does that mean?
FROM: sterling@SBarchitects.com
TO: john_walker@sertinc.com
RE: Types of windows for your house
U r not c00l. have a rose, u sound like u zipped ur pants fly up two f4st! ^_^
FROM: john_walker@sertinc.com
TO: sterling@SBarchitects.com
RE: Types of windows for your house
I'm going to speak with your boss! I’ll have your ass for this!
FROM: sterling@SBarchitects.com
TO: john_walker@sertinc.com
RE: Types of windows for your house
OMFG! }:-( (That means you act like your toupee has been caught in an updraft!)
Wednesday evening
<Tangledweb logs on>
babe4u69: it's that arsehole!
surferdude: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Tangledweb: OMG, 1 of my cli3nts was knot l33t!!!111. He got all rowdy, so I told him to STFU! He didn't get my =^_^=!!!
CiNdY15: p33ps r so st00pid!
surferdude: I BET UR CLIENT IS A NOOB!
Tangledweb BBIAB, my GiRlFrIeNd iz calling me. <3
babe4u69 he soundd norm4l! TW's OK! ^.^
surferdude W00T!
CiNdY15: Tangledweb r0x0rz my b0x0rz!
<Tangledweb logs off>
Later Wednesday night
"Hello?"
"Hey baby! OMFG, let me tell you what happened at work today!"
"OMFG? What are you talking about?"
"Oh my fucking God!"
"You're acting bizarre lately, Sterling."
"No I'm not. I've been chatting on the internet a lot lately. Kitty!"
"Kitty? I think you've lost your mind. Let's talk again when you've got a more clear mind."
"That's not l33t! Baby, I was hoping I could come over to your place and you can show me UR ( o ) ( o )! Becuz U R 2 HOT! 2 HOT 4 ME!"
"I can’t take this anymore, I’m so breaking up with you."
"What?"
(click)
"Hello? Baby? Hellloooo…."
Thursday morning
FROM: boss@SBarchitects.com
TO: sterling@SBarchitects.com
SUBJECT: =^_^=
I'll see you in my office at 10:00, we need to discuss some things in regards to our client, Mr. Walker.
FROM: sterling@SBarchitects.com
TO: boss@SBarchitects.com
RE: =^_^=
He's such teh arsehole ain't he? XD ^__^ Then my gurlfriend broke up with m3! :( I M A S4DM4N! I'll be AFK for a bit.
Thursday afternoon
<Tangledweb logs on>
babe4u69: ((((((((((TANGLED)))))))))
surferdude: tw!
CiNdY15: Tangledweb, my fav boo! ^_^
Tangledweb: My gurl split from m3 and then my boss fired me! :(
Ryu-Ken-Thai: For wha?
Tangledweb: For using ^_^ I mean, OMFG, WTF IS th4t about?
CiNdY15: They r so st00pid! Every1 should like teh kitty!
d4m4n SORRY ABOUT UR GURL TANGLED. :(
Tangleweb: She sez I sound lyk an illtrtae dummfuck! Not l337 at all! She needz 2 get sum cents! IMHO, of course. I gotta go, I m broke and they R repossezzing my house 2morrow!!!!111111111! :(
surferdude: :(
<Tangledweb logs off>
Friday morning
RALEIGH, NC (AP) - Sterling Stephenson, young aspiring designer was killed at 8:30 yesterday evening. Fresh off a recently ended relationship with his girlfriend, he was fired yesterday morning from his job and his entire house was repossessed later that evening. Suddenly homeless, the former designer was seen running down Hillsborough Street yelling, "I GOT CANNED BY A N00B! WHAT A B00B! ME AND MY GURL WERE 2 B 4EVER! SHE WAS 2 HOTT!" During his tirade, Stephenson was run over by an unseen Fed Ex delivery truck.
Amazingly, Stephenson survived the spectacle unscathed. Amidst a sea of onlookers, someone asked how he managed to come out unharmed. To this question, Stephenson responded, "BTSOOM! Kitty!" Prodded for clarification, he yelled, "Beats the **** out of me! KITTY!". He then broke away from the crowd to cross the remainder of Hillsborough Street only to be mowed down by an 18-wheel tractor-trailer coming from the opposite direction.
When asked about how Stephenson would be remembered, his ex-girlfriend replied, "Sterling was so l33t".
He was 29 years old.
The moral
The moral of the story is that the more frequently you use ^_^ or =^_^=, the more you will appear to be an illiterate schmuck. You will not only look uneducated, but you will be fired from your job, lose your girlfriend, and meet an untimely demise with a tractor-trailer. But you will be remembered as l33t.